Goodbye's are sometimes hard

We had been talking about it for days.

Warning her.

Readying her.

Preparing her for a hard goodbye.

She seemed ready and she seemed like she understood what was happening. We took her to the toy store and let her wander around and pick any toy she wanted. She was on the lookout for a googly ball, but found this cool item in her hunting instead.

I tried to convince her she wanted something else, something "cooler" and a lot less messy than 20 plastic paint filled tubes. But, she wouldn't have it. She drug that little mess maker on wheels around the entire store, and when it was our turn to pay, she did it. She paid for it with her own treasure:

her beloved binky.

The cashier looked at me like I had four heads as I stood there holding Bria, her chubby little hand outstretched, giving the girl her binky, in exchange for her newest find. I quickly told the girl she was "paying" for it, and to please take the bink and dispose of it. The girl obliged, and we left the store. No tears shed. Pretty easy, I thought.

We got home and she played with her fun new discovery, never once asking for her much loved 'bink'.

Fast forward to bed time. Now, Cambria just turned 2 and she has only been allowed to have the bink in her bed for naps and sleep since she was about 15 months old. So, now that it is bed time, she starts asking about her bink. We remind her it's at the store, she paid for her new toy with it and that there is no more bink. Tears were shed. We rocked, sang, read books, said prayers, drank warm milk, but always when she went in her bed, she asked for her bink.

I went in to console her and held her in my arms and rocked her.

Bria asked with tear filled eyes, "Mom, where's my bink?" I choked on my reply as I told her it was gone and that it was ok to be sad and to miss her bink, but that it wasn't coming back. She cried. I cried. We both cried for the loss of our little friend: Bink.

I felt bad. She is such a good girl, and I feel like I am taking away her adored little comfort. She's doing better than I thought. But, it's still a sad and hard goodbye. And, it is time.

Goodbye to my baby, she is now a 'big girl'.

Goodbye to a loving companion who comforted my baby when she was sad, tired or sick.

Good bye to 12 hours of un-interrupted sleep each night. (that was gone ever since Hailey entered our lives, but that's a whole nother post)

Goodbye bink. You will be missed, but hopefully soon forgotten.